i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
