I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
