Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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