Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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