We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
