Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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