Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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