Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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