Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
