it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
