and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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