You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My penis needs a shock collar
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
