I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
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