Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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