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Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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