I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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