So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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