I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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