And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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