there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
