I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
