fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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