mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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