I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
