I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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