My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
