Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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