five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
