I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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