My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
