My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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