My sheets look like a crime scene.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
