i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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