The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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