I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize