I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i've created a new STD.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
