omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
