Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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