The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
