They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
