i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The ass gains better be worth it
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