Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
