4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
