New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
it hurts more in the daytime
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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