just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
