I wish I could teleport
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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