i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
