Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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