K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
