I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
