More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
