Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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