stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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