Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
