some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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