he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize