someone threw a dead crab at me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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