I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
