Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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