Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize