; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
