Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
