Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
