Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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