I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize