at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
