Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
