I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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