You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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