My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
